Healing Relationships

Singles Counselor Online Recommends New Book "Going Solo" by Eric Klinenberg as a Must Read

2012-02-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

Last night on the Karel Show on KGO Radio in San Francisco, I heard a great interview of Eric Kinenberg whose new book sounds really interesting. It is called Going Solo the extraordinary rise and surprising appeal of living alone

He said that in San Francisco, 1 in every 3 households is a person living alone. In Manhattan, people living alone is 1 out of every 2. This is extraordinary!

Here is a small excerpt from the description of the book on Amazon.

"A revelatory examination of the most significant demographic shift since the Baby Boom—the sharp increase in the number of people who live alone—that offers surprising insights on the benefits of this epochal change

In 1950, only 22 percent of American adults were single. Today, more than 50 percent of American adults are single, and 31 million—roughly one out of every seven adults—live alone. People who live alone make up 28 percent of all U.S. households, which makes them more common than any other domestic unit, including the nuclear family. In GOING SOLO, renowned sociologist and author Eric Klinenberg proves that these numbers are more than just a passing trend. They are, in fact, evidence of the biggest demographic shift since the Baby Boom: . . ."

I recommend that you check out the book and perhaps buy it or find it at your library. The interview was fascinating.

_____________________

Do you have a mental health, emotional or relationship issue you would like like some feedback on, guidance, or a second opinion from a professional counselor?

Why talk to anyone else when you can talk to Roland who is the author of 12 books and has 22 years experience advising on relationship and marriage issues. His radio advice program has been on the air 22 years.

"I'm a counselor and an ordained minister too." says Roland who has an earned MS in Human Relations and a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology.

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counsel for 22 years.

Many people want to talk to someone. They want to tell someone about something they want to get off their mind. They want to start moving forward. They want a person who is concerned, trustworthy, and sincere.

But they don't want to talk to just "someone" like some unknown counselor, prayer partner or faceless person. They don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started and doesn't have the wisdom and understanding of years. They want to talk to someone who has experience and who is mature. Someone solid and with some authority.

Others want to talk now and not next week. Some people are home bound. Some people want to get started now. They also like to be able to pick someone they are comfortable with.

It is for this reason that I am here.

You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues.

Get in touch with Roland using our easy

Online Counseling for a Donation

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

I am available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and confidential. Chat in confidence, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

Some of the issues I've helped people with include:

resolving unhappiness and re-finding joy

strategies to improve communication

loneliness

singles issues, dating and living alone

divorced and living alone

how to forgive and forget

coping with infidelity

single moms and single dad issues

work/home balance

common sense positive parenting for singles

reconciliation

dating and courtship issues

Contact me today and get started solving issues and re-finding fulfillment and purpose

There are two options

Option One

Got a relationship question? A marriage issue you would like another opinion on? Want to work on your relationship?

If you feel comfortable making a small donation at Paypal, you can get an answer right away.

Click on the relationships chat link, tell Roland you want some feedback for a donation.

(We do not offer free advice. Donation only).

It's that simple. (you must be 19, no emergencies)

Click To Chat

Roland, I'm interested. Tell me more.

" I have found that most people on the internet don't want spend much or anything at all. People want things for free. I have so many free self help resources (and I have for 22 years) - it is amazing. But I cannot give away professional counseling. I rely solely on the donations of visitors and listeners.

People are looking for real meaningful answers from a professional. I can't give it away - if I do I would soon be out of money. Plus free seems to invite pranksters and people who are not serious.

There has to be a solution, and there is. I devote some time each day to helping people and answering questions for a donation. (Even $5 helps pay for the chat service).

So get your answer and help me too. It's a win win.

How much do people donate?

Most people donate $15 or $20 for up to half an hour. Some people are generous and donate more. Others have a very tight budget and can only donate $5 or 10$.

Prefer Pay as You Go?

No problem. If you prefer pay as you go -- where you pay minute by minute and leave when you want. You are in charge of how long the session is. Visit my virtual office at LivePerson.

If you want to remain anonymous, where even the expert doesn't know who you are, then LivePerson is also for you.

Option Two

Prefer email? Send me an email, tell me you want relationship or marriage advice for a donation. Briefly state your issue and I will respond. (you must be 19, no emergencies).

Why are you waiting, get started today. Leave behind the baggage of the past and move forward to joy.

"Why talk to just anyone when you can talk me?" says Roland who has an earned MS and PhD in Pastoral Counseling.

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counseling for 22 years."

Many people want to talk to a someone. They have an issue they are dealing with or they need some feedback or counsel. They want to tell someone about something they want to get off their mind. They want to start moving forward. They want a person who is concerned, trustworthy, and sincere.

But they don't want to talk to just "someone" like some unknown counselor, prayer partner or faceless person. They don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started and doesn't have the wisdom and understanding of years. They want to talk to someone who has experience and who is mature. Someone solid and with some authority.

Others want to talk now and not next week. Some people are home bound. Some people want to get started now. They also like to be able to pick someone they are comfortable with.

It is for this reason that I am here.

You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues. Sure, I'm a pastor, but I don't have a church. I do my own thing to help people.

Get in touch with Roland for pastoral counseling or advice to get some feedback using

Online Counseling for a Donation

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

I am available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and confidential. Chat in confidence, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

Marriage Advice from a Professional Counselor Online - pay as you go, pay by the minute, leave when you want

2012-02-12T15:33:00.000-08:00

Do you have a marriage or relationship issue you would like
like some feedback on, guidance, or a second opinion from a professional counselor?

Why talk to anyone else when you can talk to Roland who is the author of 12 books and has 22 years experience advising on relationship and marriage issues. His radio advice program has been on the air 22 years.

"I'm a counselor and an ordained minister too." says Roland who has an earned MS in Human Relations and a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology.

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counsel for 22 years.

Many people want to talk to someone. They want to tell someone about something they want to get off their mind. They want to start moving forward. They want a person who is concerned, trustworthy, and sincere.

But they don't want to talk to just "someone" like some unknown counselor, prayer partner or faceless person. They don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started and doesn't have the wisdom and understanding of years. They want to talk to someone who has experience and who is mature. Someone solid and with some authority.

Others want to talk now and not next week. Some people are home bound. Some people want to get started now. They also like to be able to pick someone they are comfortable with.

It is for this reason that I am here.

You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues.

Get in touch with Roland using our easy

Online Counseling for a Donation

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

I am available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and confidential. Chat in confidence, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

Some of the issues I've helped people with include:

resolving unhappiness and re-finding joy

strategies to improve communication

arguing in marriage

different styles and interests

avoiding divorce

how to forgive and forget

coping with infidelity

in law issues

work/home balance

common sense positive parenting

reconciliation

dating and courtship issues

Contact me today and get started solving issues and re-finding fulfillment and purpose

There are two options

Option One

No problem. If you prefer pay as you go -- where you pay minute by minute and leave when you want. You are in charge of how long the session is. Visit my virtual office at LivePerson.

If you want to remain anonymous, where even the expert doesn't know who you are, then LivePerson is also for you.

Option Two

Prefer email? Send me an email, tell me you want relationship or marriage advice for a donation. Briefly state your issue and I will respond. (you must be 19, no emergencies).

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counseling for 22 years."

"This is the finest personal pastoral service on the web today."

__________________________________

Need some advice or feedback from a pastor? Need help with a relationship issue? Do you want some help coping with stress, family/work balance issues, overcoming negative emotions, or learning to forgive?

You must be 19. No emergencies, no crisis, and no abuse or violence issues.

It's a win-win. You get to contact Roland and get information. Then you can make a small donation if you are satisfied with the answer.

Just to make it clear.

We do not handle emergencies or crises.

We do not offer free counseling. We do offer free customer service:
you can ask about your issue and whether
pastoral counseling for a donation is right for you.

If pastoral counseling and advice is right for you, then you can tell Roland what donation you can afford. (Roland is supported solely by donations from visitors)

Most counselors and advisors ask for fees of $60 to over $100 per hour. How about mechanics, plumbers, electricians, and accountants? How about your beautician?

Roland makes his service available for a donation and he is open to sliding scale for people with tight budgets.

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

Roland is the author of 12 books, with 22 years experience. Roland has an earned MS and a Doctorate in Pastoral Counseling. He is board certified as a professional counselor.

Here are just a few of the issues I've been talking to people about for 22 years:

You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in, solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues.

Relationship and marriage issues

Courtship, choosing the right partner

Help with marital unhappiness or infidelity issues

Feedback on depression, bipolar, OCD, and anxiety from a pastor's perspective

Help overcoming drug and alcohol issues

Overcoming emotional issues, such as unhappiness, upset, anger, or anxiety

Letting go of doubts and fears

People who don't want a record of their issue following them around.

Parenting issues, blended families, single parenting

How to cope with stress

Overcoming feelings of inferiority or insecurity.

Executives, clergy, actors, prominent people, entertainers, attorneys who want confidential counseling from a mentor and Senior Pastor.

Do you have a marriage or relationship issue you would like
like some feedback on, guidance, or a second opinion from a professional Christian counselor?

I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program for 22 years.

Many people want to talk to a someone. They have an issue they are dealing with or they need some feedback or counsel. They want to tell someone about something they want to get off their mind. They want to start moving forward. They want a person who is concerned, trustworthy, and sincere.

But they don't want to talk to just "someone" like some unknown counselor, prayer partner or faceless person. They don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started and doesn't have the wisdom and understanding of years. They want to talk to someone who has experience and who is mature. Someone solid and with some authority.

Others want to talk now and not next week. Some people are home bound. Some people want to get started now. They also like to be able to pick someone they are comfortable with.

It is for this reason that I am here.

You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues. Sure, I'm a pastor, but I don't have a church. I do my own thing to help people.

Get in touch with Roland for pastoral counseling or advice to get some feedback using

Online Counseling for a Donation

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

I am available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and confidential. Chat in confidence, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

There are two options

Option One

For a donation you can chat (texting) with me. Or click on the Liveperson button for pay as you go, per minute.

Option Two

For a donation you can have an email exchange. Just email Roland and tell him you want an answer by email for a donation.

Just click here to donate
,

Thank you

Roland is available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and ultra confidential. Chat in confidence, anonymity, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

We all need help sometimes or could use a little professional feedback. Maybe you want to talk to someone but don't want them to know who you are.

Right now you just want a little guidance on some issue with no strings attached

Perhaps you would just like some feedback from the convenience of home. That's what I'm here for.

Your friend,Roland

Ask about a free eBook as a token of our appreciation when you chat and donate.

Argue all the Time? Free Relationship Quiz

2012-02-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

Argue all the time? You are both good people and love each other, there is NO violence, abuse, alcohol issues or drugs involved--

but you do argue and you wonder about it, or are interested in resolving your disputes and making your relationship a 10 instead of a 9 or 8.

If so, you may enjoy taking Roland's Relationship Arguing Quiz!

Take the quiz and enjoy seeing the results.

Then if you wish to talk to Roland about it,

donate $9 and then click on the chat button and get feedback from him for 15 minutes.

Remember, you must be 19. No violence, abuse, drugs or alcohol issues. No emergencies or crises

Download Christian Relationships Book for Only $2.00

2012-02-10T08:57:00.000-08:00

Why do we argue? How can I be more forgiving?

Does divorce affect the kids?

Can I save my marriage?

This long awaited book answers these questions and more. For years, listeners have thrilled to hear Roland on the radio. Now his advice for couples is crystallized in this unique look at relationships.

Roland talks about the “how” of loving, forgiving, and reconciling. He will help you understand why resentment blocks love, and how to become unblocked. Roland even explains how the ancient story of Adam and Eve is still repeated in homes today. This book is for anyone interested in relationships, why relationships get in trouble, and how to repair them.

Formerly titled My Husband & I Argue All the Time--Time Tested Truths for Healing Relationships.

Whether you are a man or a woman in a relationship, whether you're having issues right now or trying to understand what went wrong, whether you aren't in a relationship now, but want to avoid the problems your parents had, this book is for you. Roland Trujillo is the author of 12 books.

Preview free and download now

Roland is now available for consultation and advice at http://commonsensecouples.blogspot.com

Free Couples Compatibility Questionnaire

2012-02-10T08:01:00.000-08:00

Take the quiz and see how compatible you two are.

It's fun and it's free.
If you want to discuss the results with me, click on the donate button in the right sidebar and donate $9.00

Then click on the chat button for live texting chat. Tell me you took the quiz and we can discuss it for up to 15 minutes.

Find out how you compare to other couples.

Get some feedback.

Learn a pro active strategy to improve your relationship

If you are just dating - is this guy right for me?

Remember - you must be 19. No domestic violence, emergencies, or abuse issues.
For educational purposes only

What is the Real Number One Reason For Divorce? Preview the Relationships Book for Free and Find Out

2012-02-07T16:38:00.004-08:00

I care so much about relationships that I am offering my 315 page relationships book, which sells for $14.95 on Amazon,

free to read online

as a February Valentine's Day Special.

Read the whole book online or look for the chapter that deals with your issue and read it for free.

Of course, I'm hoping you decide to purchase and download it to your laptop, computer or mobile device. Or buy the handsome paperback edition at Amazon.

Take the resentment away
And make every day
A Love-ly Day!

I could use some comments at Amazon where the book is available in paperback and Kindle.

You can help me by reading the book free and then posting a short reviewing the book Amazon.

You don't have to buy the book at Amazon to leave a short review comment.

It doesn't have to be fancy. Just a sentence or two would be great.
__________________________________

Josh and Kaitlin just had another big argument. This time the huge spat was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement and all the other negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty.

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview and purchase at Kindle! and download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95

Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device for $9.95. Save 33% off paperback

Got a budget? Want to help Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside

Try a Little Tenderness

2012-02-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

There was a song made famous by Otis Redding, and also sung by Frankie Laine, Frank Sinatra and others, called "Try a Little Tenderness."

I recommend you listen to it, and just think about it as if it were a song written about relationships in general.

"Try a little tenderness" is not a bad idea.

Ann Landers once said that we should treat people in our family with as much courtesy as we do people we encounter in public. I agree.

I would say that civility is the absolute bottom line. But more is needed. We need patience, kindness, understanding, reasonableness, and yes, a little tenderness.

Next time your kids or spouse are a little tired or stressed out. Don't add to their burden. Try a little tenderness.

Free Relationships eBook from Million Listener Radio Advisor and Christian Counselor

2012-02-03T09:35:00.000-08:00

I care so much about relationships that I am making over 100 pages of my 315 page relationships book, which sells for $14.95 on Amazon,

free to read online

as a February Valentine's Day Special.

Read the first 100 pages or look for the chapter that deals with your issue and read it for free.

Of course, I'm hoping you decide to download it to your laptop, computer or mobile device.

Take the resentment away
And make every day
A Love-ly Day!

I could use some comments at Amazon where the book is available in paperback and Kindle.

You can help me by posting a short reviewing the book Amazon.

You don't have to buy the book at Amazon to leave a short review comment.

It doesn't have to be fancy. Just a sentence or two would be great.
__________________________________

Josh and Kaitlin just had another big argument. This time the huge spat was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement and all the other negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty.

Roland's practical solutions are based in understanding. "I describe the why of what is happening. I talk about men and women, about how they are different and about the common mistakes we make. Understanding is the answer. And when you become aware of what is really going on and see many good reasons for letting go of resentment, your new understanding will help you feel better and become more joyous and positive.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth. If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations, and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.

Another thing, says Roland. Many people know they are resentful and want to give it up, but don't know how. I know how, and I show you.

Other people think that being more forgiving means giving in for peace. But I can show you that it is resentment and guilty that makes you keep quite or give in now. I can show you how to let go of resentment, which frees you up to express yourself and speak up (without resentment).

What I teach should be common knowledge, but you can hardly get these insights anywhere else. Sure there are some good marriage and relationship programs or counseling. The seminar leaders, writer or counselor may be working with bits and pieces of the solution. But I have the whole and I put it all together. With others, you get some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, but I can give yo the complete picture.

New! The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is now available in quality paperback at our Amazon.com eStore.

The price for this 315 page book is $14.50. A portion of all eStore sales is donated to help homeless pets at animal shelters. The rest helps Roland help others. Buy now.

For a donation of any amount, get The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage in pdf. format as a token of our appreciation.

Roland Trujillo, author, lecturer, marriage coach,
and author introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage.

For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living.

Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a
new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Why do we argue? How can I be more forgiving? Does divorce affect the kids? Can I save my marriage? My wife cheated on me-now what? My husband annoys me. Can we reconcile?

This long awaited book answers these questions and more. For years, listeners have thrilled to hear Roland on the radio. Now his advice for couples is crystallized in this unique look at relationships. Roland talks about the “how” of loving, forgiving, and reconciling. He will help you understand how resentment blocks love, and how to become unblocked.

Roland even explains how the ancient story of Adam and Eve is still repeated in homes today. This book is for anyone interested in relationships, why they get in trouble, and how to repair them

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - making relationships work.

318 pages of insights and solutions

Written by Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD in Pastoral Psychology and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples

Here are just some of the topics discussed

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your Instincts
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview and purchase at Kindle! and download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95

Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device for $9.95. Save 33% off paperback

Got a budget? Want to help Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside or donate to help Roland

Relationship Advice Online - Get an Answer Now - If Roland is In, There is No Wait

2012-01-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

If you prefer pay as you go -- where you pay minute by minute and leave when you want. You are in charge of how long the session is. Visit my virtual office at LivePerson.

If you want to remain anonymous, where even the expert doesn't know who you are, then LivePerson is for you.

Prefer email? Send me an email, tell me you want relationship or marriage advice for a donation. Briefly state your issue and I will respond. (you must be 19, no emergencies).

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counseling for 22 years."

__________________________________

Need some advice or feedback? Need help with a relationship issue? Do you want some help coping with stress, family/work balance issues, overcoming negative emotions, or learning to forgive?

The quickest way to get in touch with Roland right away is to click on the Chat Link.

You must be 19. No emergencies, no crisis, and no abuse or violence issues.

It's a win-win. You get to contact Roland and get information. Then you can make a small donation if you are satisfied with the answer.

Just to make it clear.

We do not handle emergencies or crises.

We do not offer free counseling.

We do offer free customer service:
you can ask about your issue and whether
pastoral counseling for a donation is right for you.

If pastoral counseling and advice is right for you, then you can tell Roland what donation you can afford. (Roland is supported solely by donations from visitors)

Most counselors and advisors ask for fees of $60 to over $100 per hour. How about mechanics, plumbers, electricians, and accountants? How about your beautician?

Roland makes his service available for a donation and he is open to sliding scale for people with tight budgets.

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

Roland is the author of 12 books, with 22 years experience. Roland has an earned MS and a Doctorate in Pastoral Counseling. He is board certified as a professional counselor.

Relationship and marriage issues

Courtship, choosing the right partner

Help with marital unhappiness or infidelity issues

Feedback on depression, bipolar, OCD, and anxiety from a pastor's perspective

Help overcoming drug and alcohol issues

Overcoming emotional issues, such as unhappiness, upset, anger, or anxiety

Letting go of doubts and fears

People who don't want a record of their issue following them around.

Parenting issues, blended families, single parenting

Questions you would like to ask a pastor even though you are not involved in any religion.

How to cope with stress from a pastor's perspective

Overcoming feelings of inferiority or insecurity.

Executives, clergy, actors, prominent people, entertainers, attorneys who want confidential counseling from a mentor and Senior Pastor.

There are two options

Option One

For a donation you can chat (texting) with me.

Option Two

For a donation you can have an email exchange. Just email Roland and tell him you want an answer by email for a donation.

Just click here to donate
,

Thank you

Roland is available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and ultra confidential. Chat in confidence, anonymity, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

We all need help sometimes or could use a little professional feedback. Maybe you want to talk to someone but don't want them to know who you are.

Right now you just want a little guidance on some issue with no strings attached

Perhaps you would just like some feedback from the convenience of home. That's what I'm here for.

Your friend,

Roland

Ask about a free eBook as a token of our appreciation when you chat and donate.

Radio Marriage Mentor and Author Adds Free Chat Customer Service

2012-01-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Roland. I've been on the radio for 22 years. Now you can preview my new marriage and relationships book and talk to the author free.

I have added state of the art Parachat Live Help to take my service to the next level.

I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get. Three years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.

I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am a bit old fashioned, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.

People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book just as much as couples who are formally married. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.

I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.

I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.

I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read, a page turner--and even funny in parts.

Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.

I believe that this is the book.

Your friend, Roland

Product Description

Why do couples argue?

How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage? How can we communicate better?

I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not. What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?

My wife asked me to leave. Why are men the way we are? What does my wife want?

Can we reconcile?

How about sex? My wife cheated on me –now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio, this is the courtship, marriage and relationship repair handbook you have been waiting for.

Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

About the Author

Roland Trujillo, lecturer, marriage coach, author, and radio host introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Paperback: 318 pages
ISBN-10: 1463663706
ISBN-13: 978-1463663704

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview and download now at Amazon Kindle! Download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95

Got a budget? Want to help Roland? For a donation of any amount we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside or donate to help Roland

Marriage and Relationship Counseling Online

2012-01-21T08:50:00.001-08:00

Got a question for Roland?

Roland, why do we argue so much?
Roland, I resent my husband, but I don't want to.
How do I forgive and forget?
I read your article. It sounds just the issue I'm facing
Roland, my in laws are driving me crazy.
I'm divorced and I met this guy, but my kids don't like him.
I just found out my wife cheated on me.
My kids won't listen to me.

"Hi. My name is Roland. I love relationship and marriage questions. I've been talking about relationships for 22 years on my radio program.

More people have come to me with relationship questions than any other.

Dr. Laura and Dr. Joy Browne are great. But when it comes to getting some advice, it's hard to find the right person. If you are like me, you don't just want to talk to some faceless web page. And you don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started.

With me, you know I've been around for 22 years, and you can read some of my blog posts, Ezine articles, and preview my book. You can listen to me on BlogTalk radio. That way you get to know me a person, not just "someone."

You are probably looking for some feedback and some strategies to move forward. You don't want to spend hundreds of dollars or weeks and weeks.

That's where I can help. After 22 years on the air, I'm very intuitive. I'm also a good listener, so I can give you some feedback quickly.

So, if you would like to talk to me, click on the Live Help button in the right sidebar. You will immediately connect with me, and all sessions start free.

You can ask about briefly state your issue and ask if counseling might be right for you. If you decide to continue, I will give you an answer and also direct you to some resources to read or listen to. In exchange for my professional service and time, you can make a small donation of what you can afford. Many people consider a $20.00 donation to be a good value for a professional counselor's time and expertise (plumbers and hairdressers charge more).

That's right. $20.00. Just look at what professional counselors ask, and you will see that this is a huge savings. Since I am solely supported by listeners and visitors, your donation literally keeps me on the air and the internet. So it is a win-win.

This is professional advice and feedback for a donation. Start free to ask about counseling. But I do not offer free counseling. If you decide to continue, it is for a donation. You must be 19. No crisis, emergencies, domestic violence or abuse issues.

You chat for free to ask me about counseling options, such as email consultation (email is great for busy people who need time to compose their thoughts. You can work on an email a little at a time) .

phone consultation (or Skype) for a donation

pay per minute (as as you go per minute) at LivePerson

" So many options, so money saving and time saving. Thank God I found you."

Super Low Cost Counseling Online for Budget Conscious Consumers

2012-01-17T11:53:00.000-08:00

Do you have a marriage or relationship issue you would like
like some feedback on, guidance, or a second opinion from a professional counselor?

Why talk to just anyone when you can talk to Roland, who has been helping people through his radio advice program for 22 years!

Many people have a marriage or relationship issue and would like to talk to someone about, but they prefer to do so confidentially.

"I'm a board certified counselor and an ordained minister too. " says Roland who has an earned MS and Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology.

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counsel for 22 years.

Many people want to talk to someone. They have a relationship or a spiritual issue they are dealing with or they need some feedback or counsel. They want to tell someone about something they want to get off their mind. They want to start moving forward. They want a person who is concerned, trustworthy, and sincere.

But they don't want to talk to just "someone" like some unknown counselor, prayer partner or faceless person. They don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started and doesn't have the wisdom and understanding of years. They want to talk to someone who has experience and who is mature. Someone solid and with some authority.

Others want to talk now and not next week. Some people are home bound. Some people want to get started now. They also like to be able to pick someone they are comfortable with.

It is for this reason that I am here.

You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues.

Get in touch with Roland for pastoral counseling or advice to get some feedback using our easy

Online Counseling for a Donation

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

I am available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and confidential. Chat in confidence, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

There are two options

Option One

For a donation of $19.50 you can chat (texting) with me for up to 60 minutes. And as a bonus, receive a free ebook of my new book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage. All for only $19.50. Just donate below using Paypal and I will contact you by email within 24 hours to arrange for your personal and confidential chat session.

Question: "Pastor, can I divide my 60 minutes into 2 or 3 sessions? Like two 30 minute sessions?"
Answer: Absolutely. In fact that sound's like a great idea and many people prefer two or three shorter sessions over a two week periond. (It gives them time to read my free book too!)

Option Two

For a donation of $22.50 you can have 4 email exchanges (four in and four out) for a one month period. You will also be entitled to one free 20 minute chat session. You will also receive a free ebook. All for only $22.50 Just donate below at Paypal and I will contact you by email within 24 hours about getting started right away.

Just click here to donate
,

Thank you

Radio Advice Host Answers the Question "Do All Couples Argue?"

2012-01-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

The following is a transcription of a radio interview of Dr. Roland Trujillo by Mike Simon recorded this year.

Mike: Welcome to the program. Today we have a real treat. My guest in the studio is Dr. Roland Trujillo and we're going to talk about fighting in relationships. First of all, welcome Dr. Trujillo, what shall I call you?

A. Thanks for inviting me. Just call me Roland, please.

Q. Okay, Roland. I'd like to give the listening audience a little biographical information first. If I get something wrong, please correct me.

A. Sure.

Q. It says here that you have a Masters Degree in Human Relations and a PhD in Pastoral Psychology. It also says here that you are board certified by the American Board of Professional Counselors and are a member of the American Psychotherapy Association. Is that right.

A. Yes. But what I have to say is based on observation and intuition. And I always ask people to run what I have to say by their common sense. I don't want people to be wowed or awed by the degrees.

Q. We have a very intelligent audience, so get ready for some tough questions.

A. I look forward to it.

Q. I want to get right to the important stuff so I'll just say that you have had a radio advice program for 20 years, taught graduate and undergraduate courses for 18 years, have written 8 books and have three blogs dedicated to relationships. Is that right?

A. I've been busy haven't I?

Q. (laughter) Indeed. And finally, are you married and do you have kids?

A. Yes, we will soon celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary, and our son is in college.

Q. Great. Okay, here goes. What percentage of couples argue?

A. 100 percent. Let me explain. Somewhere along the line all couples argue.

Mike. 100 percent?

Roland: That's right. But there are a couple of qualifications. First, I have to rule out the marriages on paper only--you know, the so -called marriages of convenience like the Hollywood stars used to do for publicity purposes.

Secondly, I have to say that in about half the marriages, one side wimps out and then keeps quiet for peace (so the kids don't see arguing for example).

But I like to talk about the rule rather than the exception. Most relationships have lots of fighting interspersed with periods of calm. In fact, the average marriage begins with bliss, then vying for power in a game of ego one upsmanship, then when the halo effect wears off and the couple settles down to reality, there are good times and bad times, with a series of arguments and making up.

Some marriages eventually settle down into a modus vivendi where one side tends to give in most of the time, and on the surface everything looks fine but there are resentments and unfinished business underneath.

Mike: Wow. You just described my parents' marriage. Dad was kind of quiet. He let Mom be pretty much in charge of everything. He didn't say much. Mom complained about Dad quite a bit. Everyone thought they had the perfect marriage. But I have to say that Mom told us kids that she was unhappy.

Roland: Well, there you go. So what I am trying to do is help people like your mom and dad. In other words, basically good people. Since they are both good people, it is a shame that they should be secretly unhappy. I want them to be happy and stay married. "Married happily ever after" is what I would like to see and I think it is possible.

Mike: Roland, I have to tell you that I'm married. My wife is wonderful and we've been married 6 years. I do find myself clamming up quite a bit.

Roland: Do you have kids?

Mike: Yes. We have a 4 year old and a 6 year old.

Roland: And you don't want the kids to see you fighting, so you tend to give in for peace?

Mike: That's right.

Roland: Now you know what your Dad felt like! But for every dad that clams up for peace there are moms who do the same thing. And can you see that if you are--pardon me I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just saying this because it might help some of your listeners. . . .

Mike: Sure.

Roland: . . . . if you become wimpy by failing to speak up, you give her the power and she becomes in charge. When things go wrong, you can secretly blame her. But can you see how saddling her with the responsibility and failing to be strong in a fatherly sort of way--she is tempted to resent you and have contempt for your wimpiness?

Mike: Wow.

Roland: Then in your weakness, you eventually become just like your dad and she will be unhappy just like your mom!

Mike: I think it's time for a break! (laughter) When we get back I will open the lines for callers.
We've got about a minute before the break. Is there anything you would like to add?

Roland: Yes, Mike. I have to say that my biggest disappointment has been the way most visitors to my blog just show up for about 15 seconds and then leave.

Mike: Why is that?

Answer: It's because that's the average time that people stay at one place before they click on something else. But here I am with all these resources and help, and they miss it.

Mike: If there were one thing that you would like them to know before they leave, what is it?

A. That resentment underlies 99% of the negative emotions in a relationship. That's why I make people aware of the underlying dynamics, so that they can see, really see what is going on. They will then be able to have some compassion for their partner and for themselves. They will also see that we are all in the same boat, and understanding will help them forgive their parents too.

Mike: Go a head we have another minute before our break.

Roland: I love couples. I think relationships are the greatest thing, and I am saddened when I see little disagreements and hurt feelings between two good people snowball into big unfinished business or even divorce. Marriage was not meant to be a picnic, but it is an ideal setting within which to bring children into the world and in which to learn to be unselfish.

I think I can quickly help ailing relationships by pointing out somethings that very few other counselors really understand or even know about. Moreover I know what people can do to solve their issues and start loving and appreciating each other again. I'm not bragging. I'm just being honest.

Mike: In the 30 seconds we have left, give me a couple of examples of things most counselors don't know about.

Roland: for one thing: resentment. It is absolutely the most overlook thing that contributes to unhealthy arguments and breakups. Arguing is not a bad thing necessarily. Like I said we all argue. In fact, if it gets things out on the table, and people can have an animated discussion without resentment--it can be positive. Getting back to resentment--most people do not realize how destructive it is. Many don't even know they are resentful. And when they discover it, they don't know how to give it up.

We're running out of time, so I want to mention Adam and Eve.

Mike: Adam and Eve!?

Roland: That's right. Read my books and your eyes will be opened. You will see that you and your partner are Adam and Eve redux. After over 20 years of helping couples, I can see how we all repeat the old Garden of Eden story, and then what started off as a marriage made in Heaven becomes just the opposite.

Mike: We're out of time. How do they get your book.

Roland: It will soon be at Amazon.com. But right now it is available in eBook. Just go to my Healing Relationships website and there are links to preview it there.

Mike: Thanks Roland.
.
_________________________

Hello, my name is Roland and I am a pastoral counselor. I've been on the radio for almost 22 years, both secular stations and Christian stations around the country.

I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get. A couple of years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.

I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am a bit old fashioned, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.

People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book just as much as couples who are formally married. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.

I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.

I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.

I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read, a page turner--and even funny in parts.

Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.

I believe that this is the book.

Your friend, Roland

Product Description

Why do couples argue? How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage? How can we communicate better? I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not. What is the difference between courtship and casual dating? My wife asked me to leave. Why are men the way we are? What does my wife want? Can we reconcile? How about sex? My wife cheated on me –now what? Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio, this is the courtship, marriage and relationship repair handbook you have been waiting for. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

About the Author

Roland Trujillo, lecturer, marriage coach, author, and radio host introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Paperback: 318 pages
ISBN-10: 1463663706
ISBN-13: 978-1463663704Here it is.

The book you have been waiting for.

Written by Roland and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples

Here are just some of the topics discussed

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your
God Given Instincts
10
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device for $9.95. Save 33% off paperback

Got a budget? Want to help Pastor Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside or donate to help Roland

Save 66% from paperback price

Husband and Wife Argue All the Time - 22 Year Marriage Mentor Offers Advanced Concepts and Solutions

2012-01-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

Josh and Kaitlin just had another big argument. This time the huge spat was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement and all the other negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty.

Roland's practical solutions are based in understanding. "I describe the why of what is happening. I talk about men and women, about how they are different and about the common mistakes we make. Understanding is the answer. And when you become aware of what is really going on and see many good reasons for letting go of resentment, your new understanding will help you feel better and become more joyous and positive.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth. If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations, and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.

Another thing, says Roland. Many people know they are resentful and want to give it up, but don't know how. I know how, and I show you.

Other people think that being more forgiving means giving in for peace. But I can show you that it is resentment and guilty that makes you keep quite or give in now. I can show you how to let go of resentment, which frees you up to express yourself and speak up (without resentment).

What I teach should be common knowledge, but you can hardly get these insights anywhere else. Sure there are some good marriage and relationship programs or counseling. The seminar leaders, writer or counselor may be working with bits and pieces of the solution. But I have the whole and I put it all together. With others, you get some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, but I can give yo the complete picture.

It is not for everyone though. Some people just want to hang onto resentment and judgment. And as long as they are unwilling to give them up, they are not ready for understanding. But when they are ready, my teachings are a God sent.

New! The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is now available in quality paperback at our Amazon.com eStore.

The price for this 315 page book is $14.50. A portion of all eStore sales is donated to help homeless pets at animal shelters. The rest helps Roland help others. Buy now.

For a donation of any amount, get The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage in pdf. format as a token of our appreciation.

Roland Trujillo, author, lecturer, marriage coach,
and author introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage.

For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living.

Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a
new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Why do we argue? How can I be more forgiving? Does divorce affect the kids? Can I save my marriage? My wife cheated on me-now what? My husband annoys me. Can we reconcile?

This long awaited book answers these questions and more. For years, listeners have thrilled to hear Roland on the radio. Now his advice for couples is crystallized in this unique look at relationships. Roland talks about the “how” of loving, forgiving, and reconciling. He will help you understand how resentment blocks love, and how to become unblocked.

Roland even explains how the ancient story of Adam and Eve is still repeated in homes today. This book is for anyone interested in relationships, why they get in trouble, and how to repair them

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - making relationships work.

318 pages of insights and solutions

Written by Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD in Pastoral Psychology and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples

Here are just some of the topics discussed

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your Instincts
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview and purchase at Kindle! and download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95

Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device for $9.95. Save 33% off paperback

Got a budget? Want to help Pastor Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside or donate to help Roland

Book about Disciplining Kids for New Moms

2011-12-30T13:58:00.000-08:00

Santa and Mrs. Claus are master mentors when it comes to parenting. Want a good read? Would you like to follow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they deal with parenting issues with love and wisdom?

It's better than attending a class and you don't even have to leave home or use any gas.

I know what you are going to say, because I have heard it before.

I even heard it from a nice lady who was a receptionist at an office I used to visit. I told her that I was writing a book about parenting.

"What are you writing about right now?" she asked.

I said: "Right now I'm writing about how awful it is to force a child to stay in her room just because she was a little slow in cleaning her room. "

She said: "That's what I do with my daughter. I make her stay in her room."

I shook my head. This nice lady has thick glasses on, and I could see a picture behind her desk of a little angelic looking girl with thick glasses on (I'm guessing this was her daughter).

I said, "Why don't you try patience?"

Do you know what she said?

She said, "I tried patience and it doesn't work!"

I assured her that patience does work.

You see--she, like so many other parents, doesn't think that patience will work.

It's because she never gave it a chance. No wonder she says it doesn't work.

You see, patience never fails.

Well, here's something I know for sure. Patience=love.

So now I am going to prove to you that patience does work.

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Written in the tradition of LePetit Prince and Jonathan Livingston Seagull, this magical little book is the best kept secret in parenting literature. It can be read as a heart warming story; but like Le Petit Prince, it also is filled with profound insights and meaning.

Santa's Take on Parenting can be read over and over. It has the amazing quality of sparking new insight each time it is read. It makes a great gift.

But don't take my word for it. Read it for yourself.

Preview online at Scribd in eBook format for a discount

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

"Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD and Senior Pastor has written the book (now at Amazon.com) on alternatives to spanking. It is called Santa's Take on Parenting: Secrets from the North Pole. It will actually mentor you in learning how to apply patience and wisdom in working with your kids. It is also one of the sweetest books ever written and is right up there with Miracle on 34th Street as an all time reminder of what love is all about. "

"Little kids don't need discipline, they need direction and redirection. They need watching with love, kindness, and patience. Older kids need the loving presence of an involved aware parent. They need mentoring, coaching, and a parent who sets a good example. I'm going to tell you the truth. Time outs or spanking are poor substitutes for patience and wisdom.
.

Written in the tradition of Le Petit Prince and Jonathan Livingston Seagull, this beautiful little book can be read as a heart warming story; but like Le Petit Prince, it also is filled with profound insights and meaning. Santa's Take on Parenting can be read over and over, and it makes a great gift.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in both quality paperback and in Kindle.

Now at Barnes and Noble Nookbook. In color!

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

.

Santa's Take on Parenting: Secrets from the North Pole

.What does Santa have to say about homework, discipline, and chores?
.
Santa Claus has finally spoken on the subject of parenting. Who is better suited to give advice than the one who has brought joy and delight to children for as long as anyone can remember?
.
In this modern day Santa story for parents, the reader follows Santa and Mrs. Claus as they work with a couple of kids who come to stay with them. The results are positive and inspirational, as Santa teaches by example how patience and creativity can make parenting a lot more fun and easy.

"In this fun filled educational book, the author introduces innovative parenting strategies by using the power of story telling to take the reader on a fictional visit with Santa and Mrs. Claus. The reader learns how Santa and Mrs. Claus handle issues that arise with a pair of youngsters who spend a few months with the Clauses."
.
What are "time outs Santa Style?"
.
How does Santa solve discipline and communication issues?
.
What's on Santa's do's and don'ts list?
.

Click Here to Look Inside!

What is Santa's secret to making chores fun and easy?
.
What does Santa say to parents about getting off to a good start?
.
You'll find the answers to these questions and more in this book, destined to become a classic. Roland's new book is a Santa story for grownups with many teachable moments.

Santa's Take on Parenting is a handbook for parents. It has many new, easy to use creative solutions to typical kids issues.

But it is also a fun read and a good story. For example, you will also find out

What does Mrs. Claus do?
What does Mrs. Claus feed Santa?
What is Santa's favorite snack
What does Santa look like?
Does Santa use a computer
What sitting in Santa's sleigh is like
And much more

What others are saying about Santa's Take

"Every parent should read this book."
--Suzy, real estate broker, San Francisco, CA

"Your book is great and should go over well."
Dee, principal, Anderson, CA

“Santa's Take on Parenting" is a real find. I was looking for a book that makes the case for positive and creative parenting without spanking or excessive reliance on punishment.
I plan to provide a copy to my moms and dads who are just getting started or soon to be parents. I also wish to make it "required reading" for parents who need some coaching in positive parenting. Santa's Take will make learning about parenting fun and easier for lots of busy parents.
— Mary, parent educator, Emeryville, CA.

.
“Whimsical" After I read Santa's Take on Parenting, I gave a copy to my adoptive and foster parent agency to have in their lending library. — Alicia, mother of three, Northern California

Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."
.
.Ideal for parents, grandparents, foster parents and anyone who loves kids.
.

Order the beautiful quality paperback edition at Amazon.com as a gift for someone you love
.

10% of every dollar is donated directly to needy shelters for people (and pets too)!

.

and now available for Kindle too!

.

A Word to Parents, Foster Parents and Grandparents
The Issue:

You like giving books as gifts, but you want to give a book that is fun and useful. You need a book for a dad, a mom, a teenage mom, a friend, or someone who just works with kids.

The Solution:

Santa's Take on Parenting reads like a novel, is good for both moms and dads, has dozens of parenting tips, and is fun to read.

The Issue:

You know someone who could use some fresh ideas for dealing with their kids. But you don't want to be intrusive or raise resistance.

The Solution:

Santa's Take on Parenting is a fun read and it has lots of creative positive ideas without being heavy handed. It can be read as a good story or as a parenting book.

No Particular Issue, you're just interested in parenting and want to read a good book.

The Solution: Santa's Take on Parenting

.

Use this special link, and 20% of every dollar will be donated directly to needy shelters for people (and pets too!)

.

Best Parenting Book for Unwed Mothers

2011-12-30T13:56:00.000-08:00

I know what you are going to say, because I have heard it before.

I even heard it from a nice lady who was a receptionist at an office I used to visit. I told her that I was writing a book about parenting.

"What are you writing about right now?" she asked.

I said: "Right now I'm writing about how awful it is to force a child to stay in her room just because she was a little slow in cleaning her room. "

She said: "That's what I do with my daughter. I make her stay in her room."

I shook my head. This nice lady has thick glasses on, and I could see a picture behind her desk of a little angelic looking girl with thick glasses on (I'm guessing this was her daughter).

I said, "Why don't you try patience?"

Do you know what she said?

She said, "I tried patience and it doesn't work!"

I assured her that patience does work.

You see--she, like so many other parents, doesn't think that patience will work.

It's because she never gave it a chance. No wonder she says it doesn't work.

You see, patience never fails.

Well, here's something I know for sure. Patience=love.

So now I am going to prove to you that patience does work.

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in both quality paperback and in Kindle.

Now at Barnes and Noble Nookbook. In color!

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

.

Santa's Take on Parenting is a handbook for parents. It has many new, easy to use creative solutions to typical kids issues.

But it is also a fun read and a good story. For example, you will also find out

What does Mrs. Claus do?
What does Mrs. Claus feed Santa?
What is Santa's favorite snack
What does Santa look like?
Does Santa use a computer
What sitting in Santa's sleigh is like
And much more

Santa's New Year Sale - Five, yes Five eBooks as our gift for a donation

2011-12-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

For a donation of $10 or more, get the eBook edition of

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage- Making Relationships Work

315 pages of advice, tips, commentary and in depth page turner information about relationships from 20 year advice radio host Roland Trujillo.

As a special bonus, you will also receive the link to read 4 more of Roland's books online free

including Santa's Take on Parenting,

Conquering Stress, and
My Daughter Does Not Want to Clean Her Room

All as our token of appreciation for your donation. Don't delay, help Roland today.

Radio Advice Giver Says Being Too Nice is One of the Biggest Mistakes Men Make

2011-12-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

Where are all the male relationship advice talk show hosts? They just don't exist.

Dr. Laura and Dr. Joy Browne have been around a long time and do a great job. But where are the men? They are a "no show." So it looks like I'm the man.

That's why I am writing my new book about the 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make. No one else can write it. They just don't have the insight or the love.

I know what some of you are going to say - there are many men relationship counselors on Christian radio. You are right, but I'm talking about mainstream secular radio. Besides, well known Christian family and relationship counselors are, in my opinion, very wimpy.

They don't understand what women and the kids really need from a man.

They think the man has to be nicer. And if he is nicer, then everything will be fine. So you often see men trying to be nicer by bringing flowers, helping her vacuum, doing the dishes, and telling her how much they love her with little love notes on the refrigerator.

Meanwhile the family still suffers, and he scratches his head and never figures it out.

I'm not going to give away the contents of the book. But I will give you one hint.

Men - most of the time "nice" means weak. A woman-worshiping male who wants something from his girl friend will tip toe around and be very nice so he can get what he wants.

A guilty husband, who had lunch with someone at the office or who is smoking behind his wife's back, will act very nice. The husband who leaves his wife in charge of everything, including the kids' education, is nice.

A man whose wife or kids feel he is not there for them and who then goes to some counselor or marriage mentor where he is told to be nicer, more considerate and thoughtful - will try to please them and will fail.

These are weak men and their partners know it.

Of course, the seeming opposite - being mean, dictatorial or angry - is even worse. Both extremes are error.

What I am trying to convey is that there is a middle ground. Neither wimpy on the one hand, nor angry on the other. I'm not talking about being distant or uninvolved, letting the wife run everything. I'm not talking about being bland. I'm definitely not talking about being inconsistent, vacillating, or mercurial--or cruel one mind and kind the next.

I'm talking about firm but fair. The expression tough love comes to mind. Firm but not angry and kind but not weak. Perhaps you men can see that you do not know how to stand for something without being angry. You don't know how to be nice without being weak. You are always going to extremes.

Your family needs something from you, but you don't know what it is. What they need to see is agape love -emotionless love. You cannot find this type of special love in a book, or from counselors or experts. It comes from within. It cannot be taught, you have to reach within and find it.

You may have seen something analogous in sports. Certain players have an extra gear. They rise to the occasion. They are best at the end of the game. You must find something similar, but in the case of your family, it is a deep love that makes you stand for what is right, even if you become unpopular. It means knowing what is really good for another (not what they are asking for), and having the courage to do the right thing. Because your words and actions are based in love, a love within that is not dependent on the approval and support of others, your actions spring from faith and love. That is why you can be firm and principled without anger. Get it?

Remember John Wayne? Remember Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind? Remember Gary Cooper in High Noon? They portrayed men who had character. They stood for something. They were firm, but they also had a tender side. They loved principle more than anything.

They loved principle more than their wife (but their wives felt secure because she knew he could be trusted and would never fail her). They were not people pleasers.

Have you ever seen Miracle on 34th Street (the original version, the one with Natalie Wood)? If you have not seen it, you definitely should. The movie is about a man who played Santa Claus in the Macy's Parade and in the department store. In this story, he not only plays Santa Claus; he really is Santa Claus. The plot revolves around a little girl and her mom who are cynical and don't believe in Santa. But as time passes, they both come to love this kind man and eventually discover his true identity. Santa calls himself Kris Kringle. He is portrayed as kind, tenderhearted, concerned, and full of love. But he is not wimpy.

At one point he becomes very firm with an incompetent personnel department psychologist and gives him a piece of his mind in no uncertain terms. In other words, Kris Kringle is a principled, honorable, kind man, who stands for what was right. He stands for principle and speaks his mind with firmness, but not with anger. He always has a twinkle in his eye.

We all need to see this kind of strength: someone standing for principle but without anger. Husbands and dads - your family needs to see this in you.

Men - stand for something. Learn to be honorable and principled, without anger or resentment. Be a man and love principle. Then your wife and kids will have something to respect.

If you are a people pleaser and too nice, they may like you (they like like having their way with you), but they won't respect you.

If you are angry or violent - no wonder they hate you. They may fear you, but there is no love, and there can be no true respect either. Anger and violence are wrong, and others secretly judge and hate you for your wrong. Anger and violence are also weakness. Anger taints anything you say. Even though your message may be right, the anger ruins it and tempts others to reject it and rebel.

Many men, on the other hand, are not violent or angry. They are decent. They do say the right things, but they say them too weakly. They are afraid of offending. Thus their family is tempted to walk all over them and to be contemptuous. Sensing that your weakness is tempting them, they will also resent you.

If you are a decent guy and are home every evening; If you don't drink, take drugs, cheat, smoke marijuana, gamble, use bad words or get violent - then you have gotten to first base and there is hope for you. You just need to find that missing something--which the movie heroes I mentioned had.

You find it within when you realize that you don't have it. You see your family needing you to be their hero. You have discovered that just earning money and being home every night, as good as those things are, somehow are not enough. You have discovered that anger does not work. You are also finding out that being a weak people pleaser does not work either.

You also know that compensations--money, big muscles, intellect, being accomplished in business or sports, or even being an important person at church--do not make up for what is lacking inside.

You see your lack, and you yearn with all your heart to be the man your family needs.

This is the attitude, if it is sincere, that will set the stage for your beginning to find the inner character and self motivation that you need. When your family sees this in you, they will respond to it with hope.

Remember - be like Kris Kringle. Always have a twinkle in your eye.

Hard Candy Christmas Message: You Can Work Through Your Issues and Come Out Stronger

2011-12-20T08:17:00.000-08:00

This really nice song is about some ladies who suddenly lost their jobs. Hard candy Christmas refers to not having any money to buy anything but hard candy. The part I like is that the message is positive. Regardless of your issues, you can get by, work through them, and then come out stronger.

Lyrics by Carol Hall

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and Dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

'Cause I'll be fine
(I'll be fine)
Oh, I'll be fine

A Success Story of Someone Who Overcame Depression and Anxiety

2011-12-18T14:20:00.000-08:00

New! Mike's Story is now a book. Preview the eBook. Read the whole inspiring story

Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. He overcame anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try. All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland

Hello, my name is Michael.

I love this verse from the Psalms.

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version).

It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit?

It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I was Mr. Jellyfish.

But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.

And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.

Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover. . . .

You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment.

We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past. If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.

You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity. . . .

But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.

When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a spell where I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened and stayed up till dawn talking to my friends? Then did I crash when a bunch of things went wrong? Naturally.

When I was in my 20's did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make mistakes? Sure.

And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.

But here I am. I got through.

My recovery was two part. First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things.

This brings me to part two of my recovery program. I told you about part one, where I got through the various typical issues I faced at different stages. But then came the life changing, game changing discovery. I took me four decades to get to the point where I was ready. But when I was finally ready, it happened in a heartbeat and within a few days I was a new person.

I'll tell you about it in Part Two

Michael

___________________
.
Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!

Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.

Preview at Amazon.com now

Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.

Preview eBook at Scribd.com

Preview at Amazon.com

Love and Marriage, a Poem by Dr. Roland Trujillo

2011-12-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

The song says love and marriage
Go together
Like a horse and carriage.
If so, why is marriage so disparaged?

A marriage of two selfish people
Will not be good
When both partners brood.
Even if the wedding was under a steeple.

But don't worry,
And don't be in a hurry.
We're all a bit selfish before we grow,
That's what lifelong learning is for.

So if you feel there is something missing,
Start by being more forgiving.

No one is perfect, least of all you.
He chose you, but you chose him too.

You knew he wasn't perfect way back then,
And now you want to start all over again?
Think a new partner will be any better?
You'll say Swiss and he'll say cheddar.

"Mirror, mirror, square or round,
Who's the fairest one in town?"
It isn't you, and you know it's true,
If you are resentful and wear a frown. "

But I'm always nice and helpful as can be.
I'm always doing for others,
I'm busy, busy, busy."
Yes, but under all your doing,
Resentment is stewing.

When you go the extra mile,
You secretly judge others for not appreciating you.
While on the surface you wore a smile,
Underneath your resentment grew.

To make unhappiness go away
And start feeling better today,
Roland says here's how to start--
Better to wear a smile on your heart,
than a smile on your face
For everyone in town.

Don't be like the circus clown
Who smiles but is secretly wearing a frown.

When you are smiling inside
You won't even remember why you cried.

To forgive is to forget
You're asking how to forgive, I bet.

The answer is easy:
Just remember to no longer resent
And you'll wonder where the bitterness went
When you remember to be more forgiving.

There won't be any misgiving,
And you'll give thanksgiving
For the joy you will be feeling.
No more tired and blue,
And your husband will notice it too.

The Parenting Book of the Season - What Does Santa Say About Parenting

2011-12-04T19:24:00.001-08:00

I know what you are going to say, because I have heard it before.

I even heard it from a nice lady who was a receptionist at an office I used to visit. I told her that I was writing a book about parenting.

"What are you writing about right now?" she asked.

I said: "Right now I'm writing about how awful it is to force a child to stay in her room just because she was a little slow in cleaning her room. "

She said: "That's what I do with my daughter. I make her stay in her room."

I shook my head. This nice lady has thick glasses on, and I could see a picture behind her desk of a little angelic looking girl with thick glasses on (I'm guessing this was her daughter).

I said, "Why don't you try patience?"

Do you know what she said?

She said, "I tried patience and it doesn't work!"

I assured her that patience does work.

You see--she, like so many other parents, doesn't think that patience will work.

It's because she never gave it a chance. No wonder she says it doesn't work.

You see, patience never fails.

Well, here's something I know for sure. Patience=love.

So now I am going to prove to you that patience does work.

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in both quality paperback and in Kindle.

Now at Barnes and Noble Nookbook. In color!

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

.

Santa's Take on Parenting is a handbook for parents. It has many new, easy to use creative solutions to typical kids issues.

But it is also a fun read and a good story. For example, you will also find out

What does Mrs. Claus do?
What does Mrs. Claus feed Santa?
What is Santa's favorite snack
What does Santa look like?
Does Santa use a computer
What sitting in Santa's sleigh is like
And much more

Your Handwriting Analyzed

2011-12-01T08:45:00.001-08:00

Discover your special talents and abilities! Start the New Year off right. Who are you compatible with? Explore new career paths based on uncovered talents you may not even know you have. Find out about yourself. Roland developed an interest in handwriting analysis (graphology) almost 40 years ago and studied it extensively. He has brought joy and new self knowledge to hundreds of people over the years. As a special holiday fund raiser, he is offering his service here. Roland will analyze your handwriting and send you a detailed analysis. You also get a free bonus live chat session with Roland. Click here to find out more

How I Became Set Free from Bitterness and Unhappiness - a Poem of Victory and Recovery

2011-11-27T19:20:00.001-08:00

“I fled Him down the nights and down the days
I fled Him down the arches of the years
I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind, and in the midst of tears
I hid from him, and under running laughter.”
― Francis G. Thompson, The Hound of Heaven.

I had a little work related stress,
And my apartment was a mess.
My boyfriend left town,
And my Internet was down.

I had a little anxiety
But no one could really help me, as you will see.

I'll spare you the details of what happened since
Remembering the first few months just makes me wince.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they all meant well,
But my life became a living hell.

Despite all my troubles, I want you to know
There is a very happy ending though.
But first I had to humble my pride
And give up all the hate that was inside.
Let's begin at the start
When I used to think I was smart.
So here goes . . . .

"I've got a little work related stress,
And my apartment is a mess.
My boyfriend left town,
and I'm feeling a little down"

"Let's try this and see if it works for you.
Just to take the edge off and relax you too."

I'm not trying to complain.
At least he gave what I had a name.
But why was I still in pain?

Why did everything irritate me;
Why did I get angry at everything I see;
Why was I lonely, bitter and sad?
When others were happy it made me feel bad.

I wondered: Am I just a chemical imbalance?
Am I just a body for men to use?
What they call love just makes me confused.

My parents kept saying I must be a success,
But nothing seemed to give me happiness.
What good is it if I succeed
If no one can give me an answer to what I need?

I went to the chaplain and she was nice.
She prayed with me, stayed with me and called me twice.

But why does everyone just want to comfort me?
Why can't I overcome, move on and and just be free?
Everyone is helpful and kind,
But why couldn't I leave my issues behind?

I heard someone talk about being free indeed,
It sounded like just what I need.
I joined a church and went twice a week.
Hoping to find the answers I seek.
I studied, sang and prayed,
But became uneasy the longer I stayed.

After the excitement wore off,
When I was home by myself,
I had to admit what I could tell no one else:
Inside I was still the same old self.

Something was missing. It is hard to describe.
I still felt empty inside.
So I kept on searching for the meaning of life.

Don't get me wrong.
It's nice to sing a song,
And memorize a Scripture or two.
But if the the dogma is rigid and the words insipid,
It's something I would rather not do.

I found another group that was all acceptance and hugs.
They had drums and a guitar (but no drugs).
There was clapping and singing, and swaying.
Positive thinking and lots of praying.

I don't want to be rude
But I had to conclude
They tried their best,
But like many men, they failed the test.
Decent and friendly and nice guys,
But just more emptiness in disguise.

So I threw in the towel
It was all beginning to sour.
I went back to my weed and speed.
But it didn't take me long to see that it was wrong.
Now I could see
it just wasn't me.

I needed more than people's comfort and being nice,
More than the drugs, the hugs, the songs and the words;,
More than study and the palliative prayer.
I wanted the answer that sets me free
To move forward and be a new me.

I found an Eastern philosophy
Which I heard about on TV.
And I also tried East/West spirituality.
They talked about enlightenment and tranquility,
But they struck me as selfish and all about oneself.
Like being self preoccupied and sitting on the shelf.
Something about it just didn't feel right.
It was close to what I wanted, but not quite.

I went back to the university.
It was a relief to talk about sustainable development and diversity,
And not about religion or eternity.
The rebellion and free lifestyle were inviting.
The football and parties were exciting.

But it struck me as hollow and empty,
A juvenile rebellion against authority,
Or an intellectual rebellion against God, you see.
And the shallow selfish people I saw graduate
Made me want to hesitate.

I began to resent them all for not being there for me.
First my dad then every other authority.
I resented them for their shallow answers
Or for their glib answers
To persuade me, to intimidate me
To speak condescendingly.
It was all about party time,
The bottom line,
Or the party line.

I could not let go of judgment and resentment
toward those who robbed me of my contentment
I was full of contempt for their weakness
And anger over their pretense.

And I resented myself too.
I was so full of hate, what else could I do?

I resented everyone for not having love for me.
I was filled with anger and blame, it was plain to see.
But at least I was on the verge of seeing what was wrong with me.

Each day at the park I watched the little kids play.
Full of happiness and joy and never a bad day.
I pondered the difference between them and me.
And slowly I began to see.

What I was like when I was small I had forgot.
There's only one difference between them and me.
I am resentful and they are not.

Thinking back to earlier years,
I began to see what started my decline to emptiness and tears.

I resented my mom and my dad, you see.
I especially resented my dad for not being there for me.
I hated my life too and everything about myself,
And then it spread over the years to everyone else.

I resented my peers, my partner, my kids and my luck too.
My job, my boss, and My God! Even You.

Resentment became a way of life.
The loser's way of avoiding strife.
Judging and angry at everything, it seemed harmless at the time.
A way to judge underneath, but pretend everything was fine.

It gave me a secret ego satisfaction -
A loser's way of getting even.
It was a secret reaction.
On the surface I smiled, but underneath I was was judgmental and mean.

"I'm a nice person" I would always say.
"Just look at all I've done for others today."
But it was service out of guilt for resenting their demands.
I could claim to be a martyr that no one understands.

All of this and much more I began to see
I couldn't duck the truth, it was as plain as it could be.
But now instead of resenting truth, I was saddened about what I had discovered,
About the sneaky hate and hostility that had been uncovered.

I could not change myself, though regretting what I see.
So now I was in quite a quandary.
Wanting to change but not knowing just how,
My dilemma was finally solved, and I'll show you now:

When something about yourself you see
That you would rather not be.
But you've found that struggle and trying just make things worse.
The solution is so simple, it is found in the following verse.

Just regret what you see about yourself.
Don't try to charge with any effort.
Quietly bear the brief pain of seeing - just do that and nothing else.
It is God's light, we call conscience, which is making you see.
God is present, and the sadness is in His Light by which you see.

When you know the sadness you feel is because of God's good Light
This realization is a great comfort to the soul who now yields to what is right.
The changes you want will happen in God's due time.
So just relax and you'll be fine.

I walked around and was sad about what I discovered.
But I sensed that my innocence and sweetness I had recovered.
So I just bore the pain without trying to change.
Soon I began to shed a quiet tear over what I saw about myself.
I was sad, then glad, then relieved, I must confess,
To just come clean and let God clear up my mess.

I experienced something profound,
Repentance I had found.
Not of myself but of He.
God's light was repenting me.

It was like a purging and catharsis of my wrong
What I couldn't do myself, He can because He is kind and gentle and strong.
First the pain, followed by sadness, then the soul bursts into song,
Because I know the quiet joy that He has forgiven me of my wrong.

After I was purged I was free to see
One by one, what was wrong with me.
Each time the same process: first pain, sadness then relief.
After being sorry, I found peace beyond belief.

Every day a little pain to bear,
Regret, forgiveness and then joy without compare.

Each day the pain is less but the wrong more subtle,
Seeing all the wrong inside bursts the ego's bubble.
One day there will be no more wrong to see,
Just peace of mind and a life of discovery.

Repentance is God's way, and anyone who tries to imitate it or force it
Will just interfere but never replace it.
Repentance is God's plan for recovery.

That's why outside reassurance and consolation
Will only make you guilty, because they rob the soul of repentance.
Covering up wrong with assurance, reassurance, and affirmations
Interfere with the Light and its redeeming and shaming presence.

The lesson is clear
You can't repent yourself.
Just be willing to be humbled and shed a tear
And wait for God to draw near.

When you are not right inside
Pious words and gestures only support pride.
You become a model of hypocrisy
Because others can see your inconsistency.

In our pride and with our ego's short sight.
We think we have to make something happen with effort and with might.
That is how our ego blocks God's redeeming light.

Our biggest error is resenting His light
Or suppressing what is wrong to keep it out of sight,
When what you should be doing is exposing it to the light,

Just regret your wrong without trying to make yourself right,
Wait for repentance and change in the Light.

And here is something else profound,
When resentment is gone, love is there to be found.
God's love warms the soul and takes away the need.
Now you can forgive others for their misdeeds.

You always craved something from them and resented when they didn't have it.
Now you know why they didn't have love, because they hadn't found it.
You see, when they were little they were victims too
That's why they didn't have love for you.

So now I made what was done to me unimportant,
And became unblocked and even cleaned up my apartment.
I was happy and care free, and moved forward with living.
I had found the answer, and it is this:
To be more forgiving.

And when you forgive others by dropping resentment,
God forgives you, and you find peace and contentment.

.

Happy Holidays

2011-11-22T12:24:00.001-08:00

To all my friends around the world, here is one of my favorite holiday songs. Free Holiday chat coming soon!

Ask Santa Claus About Discipline, Homework and More - Preview the Book Free

2011-11-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

I know what you are going to say, because I have heard it before.

I even heard it from a nice lady who was a receptionist at an office I used to visit. I told her that I was writing a book about parenting.

"What are you writing about right now?" she asked.

I said: "Right now I'm writing about how awful it is to force a child to stay in her room just because she was a little slow in cleaning her room. "

She said: "That's what I do with my daughter. I make her stay in her room."

I shook my head. This nice lady has thick glasses on, and I could see a picture behind her desk of a little angelic looking girl with thick glasses on (I'm guessing this was her daughter).

I said, "Why don't you try patience?"

Do you know what she said?

She said, "I tried patience and it doesn't work!"

I assured her that patience does work.

You see--she, like so many other parents, doesn't think that patience will work.

It's because she never gave it a chance. No wonder she says it doesn't work.

You see, patience never fails.

Well, here's something I know for sure. Patience=love.

So now I am going to prove to you that patience does work.

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in both quality paperback and in Kindle.

Now at Barnes and Noble Nookbook. In color!

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

.

Santa's Take on Parenting is a handbook for parents. It has many new, easy to use creative solutions to typical kids issues.

But it is also a fun read and a good story. For example, you will also find out

What does Mrs. Claus do?
What does Mrs. Claus feed Santa?
What is Santa's favorite snack
What does Santa look like?
Does Santa use a computer
What sitting in Santa's sleigh is like
And much more

My Boyfriend Cheated On Me

2011-11-21T09:12:00.001-08:00

Why is the world such a mess?
I can't even guess.

Thank goodness Roland is there.

My mom says I'm lazy,
My husband drives me crazy,
My meds make me hazy.

Thank goodness Roland is there.

My girlfriend left me and my dog just died,
When they said "no lay offs" I found out they lied.

Thank goodness Roland is there.

My rotten boyfriend cheated on me,
I'm so upset I can't find my key.
Oh woe is me!
I owe the library a 12 dollar fee.

I think I've got a mood disorder
Or is it just that my life is out of order?
I lost my cat, my meds made me fat.
Did I mention that I lost my key?

Thank goodness Roland is there.

I've been playing the lottery to try my luck,
I lost all my money down to my last buck.
Can you lend me a dollar to buy gas for my truck?
Thank goodness Roland is there

I know God is there,
He's up there somewhere.
But it's still nice to know,
That here down below,
There's someone who says
"I care."

coyright 2011 by Michael Carlos Simon

.

Free Parenting eBook for a Gift of Any Amount

2011-11-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

Hi, this is Pastor Roland. I need help paying for my Free Chat Service. I need someone, especially someone who I helped or who has benefited from any of our resources, to step up and help me. Your gift will help others. A donation of $20 will keep free chat going for a whole month. $5 will keep it going for a week. Just click on the Payal donate button. Please help me help others. Thank you and may God Bless. Happy Holidays!

As a token of my appreciation for your gift, I will send you by email my book Santa's Take on Parenting in eBook to read online or download free.

Santa and Mrs. Claus, Still Happily Married, Talk Candidly About Raising Kids and Dealing with Issuesl

2011-11-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

I know what you are going to say, because I have heard it before.

I even heard it from a nice lady who was a receptionist at an office I used to visit. I told her that I was writing a book about parenting.

"What are you writing about right now?" she asked.

I said: "Right now I'm writing about how awful it is to force a child to stay in her room just because she was a little slow in cleaning her room. "

She said: "That's what I do with my daughter. I make her stay in her room."

I shook my head. This nice lady has thick glasses on, and I could see a picture behind her desk of a little angelic looking girl with thick glasses on (I'm guessing this was her daughter).

I said, "Why don't you try patience?"

Do you know what she said?

She said, "I tried patience and it doesn't work!"

I assured her that patience does work.

You see--she, like so many other parents, doesn't think that patience will work.

It's because she never gave it a chance. No wonder she says it doesn't work.

You see, patience never fails.

Well, here's something I know for sure. Patience=love.

So now I am going to prove to you that patience does work.

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in both quality paperback and in Kindle.

Now at Barnes and Noble Nookbook. In color!

I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

All you have to do is preview the first 40 or 50 pages free and you will have discovered several strategies that are based in patience and that really work.

I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

Shadow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they demonstrate their skills in gently but firmly guiding two kids with issues who are visiting with them.

Find out the secrets to their success.

Discover what Santa's skills are and why they work.

Let Santa and Mrs. Claus be your mentors!

Incidentally, just as parenting is a year round job, so is learning and developing your parenting skills! Don't wait until the holidays.

.

Santa's Take on Parenting is a handbook for parents. It has many new, easy to use creative solutions to typical kids issues.

But it is also a fun read and a good story. For example, you will also find out

What does Mrs. Claus do?
What does Mrs. Claus feed Santa?
What is Santa's favorite snack
What does Santa look like?
Does Santa use a computer
What sitting in Santa's sleigh is like
And much more

Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD Now Featured on Talk2Pros

2011-11-08T07:30:00.000-08:00

Hi, this is Roland. I am pleased to announce that I am now featured at Talk2Pros.com

If you are looking for online counseling but have a budget and want professional counseling within your budget,

Now you can request a free quote

Just visit my page at Talk2Pros
Click on the Get Quote button
Tell me what service you would like and

Tell me what you want to pay

Click send and then
wait for your free quote.

Check out my new page at Talk2Pros

Letting Go of Unhappiness and Finding Self Control, Peace of Mind and Confidence through Overcoming Resentment and Negative Emotions

2011-11-07T17:56:00.001-08:00

Patience, Love and Understanding Prevent Emotional Trauma. A willingness to forgive opens the door to emotional and spiritual recovery

In a recent poll of teenagers, they were asked how they spend their time. Each category was given a percentage. Activities such as work, time spent on the internet, study, athletics, family, and entertainment were ranked.

Time spent with family, of course, came way down on the list. Then they were asked if they could make a change in how they spend their time, what change would they make?

The surprising result (but not so surprising to me) was that most teenagers, if they could make a change, wished they could spend more time with their family.

Despite a teen's silence, apparent nonchalance, resistance, or what they say--most teens would like to spend more time with their family.

I was going to write a long article about love and understanding, but I already have plenty of books, articles, and audio that elucidate my thoughts on the importance of love and understanding. Plus the little story I just told is a powerful message to parents and everyone about how important love is.

So I won't write anymore about it today--My title says it all.

Patience, Love and Understanding Prevent Emotional Trauma

Ponder it and see how you know deep down in your heart that it is true. See how a lack of being properly loved by others led to your anger and resentment, rebellion, and suffering. And see how a lack of love on your part for both others and for yourself made things worse.

Now let's talk about the second half of the title--a willingness to forgive opens the door to emotional and spiritual recovery. We spend so much time as individuals and as a society dealing with symptoms.

Millions and billions of hours and dollars are spent dealing with symptoms of people's failing to love and have understanding for each other. All the drug abuse, violence, divorce, broken homes, depression and suffering have their roots in a failure to find love and understanding. Think about it. When you were a kid or a teen, didn't your unhappiness usually stem from your parents not having understanding for you?

Then you went to school and there was tease and bullying, and all kinds of peer pressure and academic pressure--again a result of others not having love. Some kids were nice, but others were cruel and teasing. Even many teachers, coaches, educators, and various authorities just somehow didn't have understanding.

Some of them just pressured you to to succeed. Others talked at you instead of to you. Some were nice, but they were weak. You were left to fend for yourself in a cruel world.

College and the work place were not much better. There was a lack of wise authority there to protect and guide you. You were on your own, so you turned to peers. Some were nice, supportive and cared. But alas, they were also suffering from the same issues you were.

You looked to your mom and dad, but they were struggling with their own issues and may have had little patience for you. Your dad may not have even been there. And if your parents were decent and did the best they could, somehow they were weak, and their love was not strong enough to protect you and then tutor you in how to deal with life's pressures and teases.

You become angry and resentful. You felt empty. And you looked to the world for love. First you looked for love from other people, and what you got was use. You then may have turned to food, alcohol, drugs, or lowly pleasures for their kind of love. Each time you felt degraded and were worse off for your indulgences.

Perhaps you compensated with big muscles or by throwing yourself into athletics or study, and you may have developed a hard self protective shell. Either you conformed to please people, or you went the rebellion route. Full of anger and hostility, some rebel and turn to crime, gangs, and drugs. The love from the drug dealer and the gang leader are pitiful substitutes for the real love you had needed.

Often we turn to boyfriends and girlfriends, and before you know it, there are all sorts of issues there, such as use and abuse, anger, breakups, and other complications.

If you are lucky, you survive the peer pressure and avoid the gangs and drugs, and end up married to a decent person.

But soon the unfinished business from the past--having not been loved properly and having been corrupted--comes alive and comes back to haunt you. Soon you find yourself arguing with your husband or wife, just like your parents did. Perhaps you feel unhappy and can't help but blame your spouse.

And all along the way, if we are not hating and resenting someone else,then we are turning our hatred on ourselves. We are full of self loathing. Our resentment now also prevents us from loving ourselves.

So now we come to the second half of the recovery equation. It would be nice if we had had parents who were filled with wisdom and grace in the first place. And it would have been nice if other people had understanding. If our parents or other authorities had had real love and patience, they might have gently corrected our ego needs and greeds. They would not have teased and challenged us to be ambitious.

They would have protected our innocence, and given us space to grow to whom the Good Lord intended us to be.

But alas, most of our parents and other authorities, though they may have done the best they could, did not have love and understanding themselves. They could not give what they did not have.

When you deeply realize this, it will help you forgive them for having failed you. Sure, our friends may have been kind and supportive. But their kind of support only fed our ego selfishness. Besides, they were just as lost as you. But now that you are an adult, it is time to move forward. If others failed you, as they surely did, you failed others too. If others did not have love for you; you did not have love for them either. Instead, you resented and judged them.

In fact, because you were born with a fallen ego, even if your parents had been perfect, you probably still would have resented them anyway when you didn't get your way. So we all are tempted and our love was found wanting.

Others failed us and we hated them for it. Then feeling empty and unloved because of our secret hostility and resentment, we looked for something to fill the emptiness. We looked to social approval, boyfriends, drugs, alcohol or marijuana to fill the emptiness. But others used us, the drugs betrayed us, and through getting the wrong kind of "love" we were corrupted.

So what is the answer? It does not matter what others did to you, nor does it matter in what particular ways you failed in the past.

What is important now is that you find objectivity--the ability to stand back and look at thoughts, emotions, and circumstances and see them in the Light of Truth.

Right now you are too caught up in struggling with your own problems and lost in emotions. You need objectivity. Things are not as hopeless as they seem, but in order to realize the solution, you need the ability to stand back from the issue, the symptoms, and problems, the issue and the struggle.

In brief, you need to get out of your emotions.

We all have access to the inner light. This inner Light is how we realize things without words. We call it intuition, common sense, or a gut level knowing. When we have such an insight, it is wordless. We just know or sense something.

But what we don't fully grasp is that the way we can even know at all is because we are seeing in the inner Light. Knowledge is one thing; but understanding about that knowledge is another. The emphasis is always placed on knowledge, but without understanding it is useless. What we need is understanding both for ourselves and for others. And understanding comes from the Light we all have access to.

This inner Light is a wonderful thing, actually our most precious possession. It is not some far out mysterious thing. It is how we have common sense and intuition. It is how we realize. An animal cannot REALIZE but people can.

We were all close to the light when we were little children. But we fell away from it when we became emotional and our ego looked to the world to fulfill it.

We doubted what we knew in our hearts, and we believed and followed others instead. They promised to fulfil our ego desires, but it was only later that we may have become aware that we had exchanged our most precious gift for tawdry trinkets from the world.

You see, not only is the Inner Light our source of intuition and protection, but it is also the source of all true creativity, fulfilment, inspiration, revelation, and love.

Now, the solution to all your problems lies in finding your way back to this inner Light and learning to relate to it properly.

Once you become friends with the inner light (which now feels like conscience), you will have peace with God and the light will be a lamp unto your feet, providing private counsel and just in time guidance for the rest of your life.

Fortunately it is not difficult to find and relate to the inner Light. All that is needed is the right intent, coupled with and a little technical support on how to find and relate to intuition. The intent needed is a burning desire to know the truth and a willingness to admit our wrong when the truth reveals it.

The tech support we need is the proper meditation, such as the one we offer as a free download at the Center for Common Sense Counseling, which shows a person how to become still and observe thoughts and emotions without being caught up in them. It also shows you how to extend contact with intuition to emotions and the body, so that you inherit self control.

Now, when you practice the simple meditation with the right intent you will calm down and become less reactive. You will also discover a new patience with others and with yourself.

As you calm down and become less reactive, the first things you will see in the Light of intuition is the truth about your wrongs. You will see your errors, and seeing them in the Light you are sorry. You experience a quiet sadness about what you see. You may have tears rolling down your cheeks. This is called repentance. You experience a sad glad. You are sad about what you see, but you are glad to come clean. You are being repented in the Light.

Seeing and mourning your wrongs, you stress the compassion of the spirit. And God extends His forgiveness.

After the brief pain, you feel shriven and clean. Joy returns and a quiet peace of mind. This process repeats itself many times over the days and weeks. Each time the pain is less, but the error being observed is more subtle.

The turmoil and the writhing you now experience in your being is because you are undoubtedly still trying to save yourself. You have been resenting what your conscience keeps trying to make you aware of. So you have conflict with conscience, and tension and writhing because you resent the Light for making you aware of your own wrong.

All you need do is stop trying to resist the Light. Instead let it rub your nose in your wrongs.

Now, having experienced the touch of God and having experienced forgiveness, you can also forgive others. You see that they are just as lost as you have been. You see that they are victims too. When they were little children, no one had the right kind of love for them either. No one was there to guide them properly.

You see that your parents were doing to you what was done to them. They could not help themselves any more than you have been able to stop yourself from hurting others.

Your new found understanding makes it easy to have compassion and forgive. And when you forgive others, God extends His forgiveness to you. It was a lack of the right kind of love from others that you reacted to and which sent you on an erring course. It was your resentment of others that separated you from God's love from within. Now you have come full circle. You have discovered God's love because of your willingness to know the truth and to forgive others.

Now you will be able to go out into the world, and instead of being a victim, you become a survivor and more than just in recovery. You become an overcomer. You become a child of God, and you extend a little light into an otherwise dark world.

"Resist not evil. Overcome evil with good."

If you need help getting out of negative and morbid thinking (which is the result of reacting wrongly to people in your past and which continues in the present due to resentment and unforgiveness), a good place to start is with our complementary mindfulness meditation. You are undoubtedly currently lost and sinking in thoughts and images--worrying, reliving the past, and getting trying to bury the past by losing yourself in drugs, drink, marijuana, food and daydreams and distractions). Learn to meditate and you won't have to keep reliving the past and you won't have to try to escape into images either.

The attitude of being willing to know the truth, plus the proper meditation, permits you to become objective--no longer involved in seductive or frightening images and thoughts. You become the observer of thought, and you inherit, in the blessed state, the ability and the power to no longer be subject to the daydream stream. You will be able to face past traumas without reacting to what you see. You will be able to decisively deal with it and never have to relive it again.

You will also be able to face situations that remind you of the past with fresh eyes and forgiveness. The meditation is free to listen to or download.

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2011-11-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

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The 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make in Relationships

2011-11-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

Where are all the male relationship advice talk show hosts? They just don't exist.

Dr. Laura and Dr. Joy Browne have been around a long time and do a great job. But where are the men? They are a "no show." So it looks like I'm the man.

That's why I am writing my new book about the 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make. No one else can write it. They just don't have the insight or the love.

I know what some of you are going to say - there are many men relationship counselors on Christian radio. You are right, but I'm talking about mainstream secular radio. Besides, well known Christian family and relationship counselors are, in my opinion, very wimpy.

They don't understand what women and the kids really need from a man.

They think the man has to be nicer. And if he is nicer, then everything will be fine. So you men trying to be nicer by bringing flowers, helping her vacuum, doing the dishes, and telling her how much they love her with little love notes on the refrigerator.

Meanwhile the family still suffers, and he scratches his head and never figures it out.

I'm not going to give away the contents of the book. But I will give you one hint.

Men - most of the time "nice" means weak. A woman-worshiping male who wants something from his girl friend will tip toe around and be very nice so he can get what he wants.

A guilty husband, who had lunch with someone at the office or who is smoking behind his wife's back, will act very nice. The husband who leaves his wife in charge of everything, including the kids' education, is nice.

A man whose wife or kids feel he is not there for them and who then goes to some counselor or marriage mentor where he is told to be nicer, more considerate and thoughtful - will try to please them and will fail.

These are weak men and their partners know it.

Of course, the seeming opposite - being mean, dictatorial or angry - is even worse. Both extremes are error.

What I am trying to convey is that there is a middle ground. Neither wimpy on the one hand, nor angry on the other. I'm not talking about being or uninvolved, letting the wife run everything. I'm not talking about being bland. I'm definitely not talking about being quixotic, vacillating, or mercurial--cruel one mind and kind the next.

I'm talking about firm but fair. The expression tough love comes to mind. Firm but not angry and kind but not weak. Perhaps you men can see that you may not know how to be this way. You are always going to extremes. Your family needs something from you but you don't know what it is. What they need to see is agape love -emotionless love. You cannot find this type of special love in a book, or from counselors or experts. It comes from within. It cannot be taught, you have to reach within and find it.

You may have seen something analogous in sports. Certain players have an extra gear. They rise to the occasion. They are best at the end of the game. You must find something similar, but in the case of your family, it is a deep love that makes you stand for what is right, even if you become unpopular. It means knowing what is really good for another (not what they are asking for), and having the courage to do the right thing. Because your words and actions are based in love, a love within that is not dependent on the love and support of others, your actions spring from faith and love. That is why you can be firm and principled without anger. Get it?

Remember John Wayne? Remember Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind? Remember Gary Cooper in High Noon? They portrayed men who had character. They stood for something. They were firm, but they also had a tender side. They loved principle more than anything.

They loved principle more than their wife (but their wives felt secure because she knew he could be trusted and would never fail her). They were not people pleasers.

Have you ever seen Miracle on 34th Street (the original version, the one with Natalie Wood)? If you have not seen it, you definitely should. The move is about a man who played Santa Claus in the Macy's Parade and in the department store. In this story, he not only plays Santa Claus; he really is Santa Claus. The plot revolves around a little girl and her mom who are cynical and don't believe in Santa. But as time passes, they both come to love this kind man and eventually discover his true identity. Santa calls himself Kris Kringle. He is portrayed as kind, tenderhearted, concerned, and full of love. But he is not wimpy.

At one point he becomes very firm with an incompetent personnel department psychologist and gives him a piece of his mind in no uncertain terms. In other words, Kris Kringle is a principled, honorable, kind man, who stands for what was right. He stands for principle and speaks his mind with firmness, but not with anger. He always has a twinkle in his eye.

We all need to see this kind of strength: someone standing for principle but without anger.

Men - stand for something. Learn to be honorable and principled, without anger or resentment. Be a man and love principle. Then your wife and kids will have something to respect.

If you are a people pleaser and too nice, they may like you (they like like having their way with you), but they won't respect you.

If you are angry or violent - no wonder they hate you. They may fear you, but there is no love, and there can be no true respect either. Anger and violence are wrong, and they secretly judge and hate you for your wrong. Anger and violence are also weakness. Anger taints anything you say. Even though your message may be right, the anger ruins it and tempts others to reject it and rebel.

Many men, on the other hand, are not violent or angry. They are decent. They do say the right things, but they say them too weakly. They are afraid of offending. Thus their family is tempted to walk all over them and to be contemptuous. Sensing that your weakness is tempting them, they will also resent you.

If you are a decent guy and are home every evening; If you don't drink, take drugs, cheat, smoke marijuana, gamble, use bad words or get violent - then you have gotten to first base and there is hope for you. You just need to find that missing something--which the movie heroes I mentioned had.

You find it within when you realize that you don't have it. You see your family needing you to be their hero. You have discovered that just earning money and being home every night, as good as those things are, somehow are not enough. You have discovered that anger does not work. You are also finding out that being a weak people pleaser does not work either.

You also know that compensations--money, big muscles, intellect, being accomplished in business or sports, or even being an important person at church--do not work.

You see your lack, and you yearn with all your heart to be the man your family needs.

This is the attitude, if it is sincere, that will set the stage for your beginning to find the inner character and self motivation that you need. When your family sees this in you, they will respond to it, with hope.

Remember - be like Kris Kringle. Always have a twinkle in your eye.

What is Love?

2011-10-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

Very few people know what love is. Because we are all egotistical by nature, we have a bias toward thinking that love is what makes us feel good. We say that we "love" ice cream or we love people who support our pride. We dislike what makes us feel bad, and we dislike people who do not see us in a good light.

Real love has an element of correction in it. Real love is emotionless love. Real love has a fatherly quality. The photo is from the movie Boy's Town, starring Spencer Tracy. It tells the wonderful true story of Father Flanagan and his success with wayward orphaned boys. Love has two sides: a tender side and a corrective, no nonsense side.

What we all need is to be corrected of our faults and errors. And our biggest fault, though it is natural, is to be prideful and selfish. However, since we are born this way, if we try to change ourselves, all we do is painfully repress our lower nature.

When others seek to correct us, they often do so in a resentful or vicious way, which tempts us to reject their advice and rebel. Otherwise, their correction is weak--which tempts us to be contemptuous.

Many dads, for example, whose job is to stand in for God until the children grow big enough to choose for themselves, often say what needs to be said, but do so in a weak way. They want to be popular, and do not have the courage or love to be firm.

Our so-called friends mostly support us the way we are. In exchange we support them the way they are. It is thus shallow and has no real love in it.

Real love is honest and wants nothing in return. It points out error in a timely way, awakening us to truth, so that we might see our error.

Years ago, there was something called tough love. Believe it or not, this is what we need.

Ultimately the greatest source of love is our own conscience (intuition) which is from God, and which makes us quietly and gently aware of some error.

We Fight and Argue All the Time - Free Previews of Myths of Marriage from the Radio Relationships Pro

2011-10-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

She feels unloved and he feels trapped. She is unhappy about something and he can't figure out what she wants. Something is going on underneath.
click here to look inside book

On the surface, there is squabbling, nit picking, nagging, sniping, or long periods of silence. But under the surface, there is resentment, anger, and judgment.

Sometimes one partner does not realize how badly things have deteriorated. For example, there is the workaholic husband who thinks everything is fine, but all of a sudden, out of seemingly nowhere, she says her needs are not being met and she wants a divorce.

We have been misled and have lost our way. If only we had understanding.

Doesn't it seem odd that after 6,ooo years of human history, we still haven't figured out what's wrong? The best minds and experts have had thousands of years to work on the problem, tens of thousands of books have been written, and somehow it still eludes their grasp. article continues below

Today, many people are living together instead of getting married. They saw their parents arguing, so they reason that if they don't get married and just live together, they won't have the same problems their parents had. But of course, it doesn't work.

You see, marriage is not the problem. The problem is the common misconceptions about what marriage is all about, as well as our selfishness. In other words, we have the wrong idea about what love, sex, and marriage are all about. I'm not blaming the couple, because the media, the schools and sometimes even the churches are not advising us with wisdom.

Often we are being taught the wrong thing. For example, the songs, the novels, television and the movies say or insinuate that sex is love. And the sex education courses imply this by the way the material is taught. Yet, don't we all know in our heart that true love is far more profound?

I guess you could say that the notion of romance is getting closer to the truth. It's a sweet idea and beautiful.

But many husbands and wives have discovered that something more than hearts and flowers is required. Her husband brings her flowers and she is still is dissatisfied. He scratches his head and can't understand what she wants.

If you read my book or listen to my radio programs, it will be a real eye opener. But I think you will eventually conclude that what I say makes sense. There is a ring of truth to it.

Men and women are different. Most men are a little weak--either angry and weak or wimpy and weak. Instead of finding an inner strength, most men look to women to support their ego. This tempts her to rise to the occasion or supporting him in his ambition. But, her support only weakens him, making him more beastly or wimpy. Eventually she resents him, but then feels guilty.

The bottom line is this: no matter how hard she tries, a woman cannot make a man into a man. He has to find it himself. But as long as he is a people pleaser, he will tempt his family to have contempt for him.

The man's problem is a big one: he's got to see that he lacks the kind of fatherly love that his wife and family need. He's got to admit he doesn't have it and then find it.

The wife's problem is somewhat easier. She must learn not to resent him. If he is weak or angry, he is tempting her to resent him or hold him in contempt. She must learn to see his wrong but not resent him for it.

The wrong of another person won't hurt you if you don't resent it. This does not mean that you have to like it or sweep it under the rug. See the wrong, but don't hate.

So like I was saying, if it is any consolation to you, arguing is very common in marriages. You could almost say that all the squabbling and arguing are "normal." We just need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.

_________________________

Hello, my name is Roland. I've been on the radio for almost 22 years, both secular stations and Christian stations around the country.

I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get. A couple of years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.

I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am a bit old fashioned, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.

People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book just as much as couples who are formally married. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.

I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.

I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.

I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read, a page turner--and even funny in parts.

Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.

I believe that this is the book.

Your friend, Roland

Product Description

Why do couples argue?

How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage? How can we communicate better?

I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not. What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?

My wife asked me to leave. Why are men the way we are? What does my wife want?

Can we reconcile?

How about sex? My wife cheated on me –now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio, this is the courtship, marriage and relationship repair handbook you have been waiting for.

Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

About the Author

Roland Trujillo, lecturer, marriage coach, author, and radio host introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Product Details

Paperback: 318 pages
ISBN-10: 1463663706
ISBN-13: 978-1463663704

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